Dumb Criminals

Dumbcriminals.com Scores Some Cyber Ink!

Thursday, August 24th, 2006 • Filed under News Links

It’s official, after months of quoting people for a living, we finally get quoted! Newsfactor Magazine did an interview with yours truly recently for a story on the World’s Dumbest Internet Criminals. That’s right, I’m an expert now. Eat that, Michelle Malkin.

What a Dummy

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 • Filed under News Links

When a Highway Patrol officer was making a routine traffic stop, he discovered two dummies inside the vehicle. But only one was human. The somewhat clever dumb criminal was driving in a carpool lane with a kickboxing dummy in his passenger seat. According to polive, officers patrolling the HOV lanes position themselves at the bottom of inclines, which allows them to see into approaching vehicles. Officers used this vantage point to discover an unusual detail about the other occupant of this criminal’s car: the passenger had no legs. The officer drove after the vehicle and ordered the driver to pull over. When he peered into the window, he saw a seat-belted and well-dressed dummy. The officer removed the dummy from the car and placed it on the side of the freeway, to the amusement of passing drivers. The driver was given a hefty citation, and his dummy was confiscated.

No napping on the job!

Thursday, November 17th, 2005 • Filed under News Links

Breaking and entering is a physically demanding job for some. The owner of a tire shop allegedly forced his way into a business next door, and then he returned to his office and took a nap. Apparently he broke into a veterinarian’s office, stole an undisclosed amount of cash, office equipment, and vials of veterinary drugs and then returned to his store to sleep. Later, officers investigating the pet clinic robbery knocked on Mays’ door to ask if he had heard or seen anything during the break-in. The 26-year-old man reportedly was roused from his sleep by the knocking and told police that he’d heard the business’s alarm go off but did not see anything.
Mays then told the officer that he had to use the restroom and walked away. The police officer looked into the room and saw a computer that looked similar to the one reported stolen from the clinic, the report said. Police searched Mays and found cash and vials of drugs in his pockets. What was he thinking?

Take anything you want, but please don’t suck my toes!

Tuesday, November 15th, 2005 • Filed under News Links

Police have finally caught an unusual crminal who had a fetish with toes. Apparently, this burglar has been taking his sleeping victims’ money and then can’t help himself when it comes to his victims feet. The suspect broke into a couple’s apartment on the night of Nov. 6 and stole some money. He then went into the couple’s bedroom, where they were sleeping, and began to fondle the male victim’s toes. The sleeping man reportedly woke up thinking he was being caressed by his partner. When he discovered it was not his partnet, he chased the burglar, who then fled in a truck. Police later used the truck description to track down and arrest this burglar. Police later said Russell was known to have a foot fetish. He allegedly once broke into a woman’s home and woke her up by sucking on her toes. Russell was charged with residential entry and burglary. He is in Johnson County Jail on
$100,000 bond.

Caught with his pants down.

Saturday, October 22nd, 2005 • Filed under News Links

When police found Michael Gilbert dangling from the ceiling of a cash-advance store he was completely naked except for a pair of nylon stockings worn over his face. Gilbert allegedly took off his clothes so that he could maneuvere his way through a vent and into the ceiling area. However, the would-be burglar was unaware that his break-in had triggered the store’s silent alarm system. The ceiling’s frames could not support Gilbert’s weight and the structure gave way. Gilbert dropped to the floor but was unable to leave the store because of its locked door. Officers eventually unlocked the door and arrested the naked burglar whose efforts had been for naught — the store never keeps money in the establishment overnight. Gilbert was charged with burglary and malicious injury for damages to the roof and was sent to jail on $20,000 bond.

How do you like the way my lawn looks now?

Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 • Filed under News Links

The man, whom local media identified by his last name — Miller — mowed a two-word expletive on his front lawn. According to City Prosecutor Marty Conboy, one of Miller’s neighbors complained to the Omaha Parks and Recreation Department about the man’s unsightly lawn. City statutes require that lawns be cut close to the ground. Tickets are issued for weed growth over 18 inches. When park officials ordered Miller to mow his front yard, he did so selectively.
He mowed an easily-read obscenity that was about three feet tall. Irate neighbors quickly discovered that they had very little legal recourse. Miller’s actions are protected under the First Amendment.

You don’t have to be sophisticated to be a …

Wednesday, September 14th, 2005 • Filed under News Links

In October 2001, a US government informant, posing as a Somali terrorist, offered a man named Lakhani “millions of dollars? if he could sell him shoulder-fired missiles to shoot down American planes. Lakhani then bought a missile from a Russian and imported it into the US, disguised as medical equipment. The weapon was a dud — the seller was a Russian agent helping the Americans. The Gujarat-born businessman was arrested in August 2003 and convicted in April this year of supporting terrorism, money-laundering and illegal imports. Lakhani, a failed businessman who had declared bankruptcy, said he was no arms dealer. “There was no coercion. No threats, no guns to the defendant’s head,? a prosecutor said. “You don’t have to be sophisticated to be a criminal. You can be a dumb criminal.?

Gas Thief Escapes on Tricycle

Friday, August 26th, 2005 • Filed under News Links


Via National Geographic:

Speeding from the scene of the crime, a Chinese boy tows a floating plastic bag of stolen natural gas last week. Flouting a government ban, farmers around the central Chinese town of Pucheng frequently filch gas from the local oil field.

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