Food, Glorious Food
Tuesday, July 5th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons • 2 Comments
Some people take nutrition a little TOO seriously. I mean, I’m cool with the whole eight (Six? Twelve? That pyramid isn’t much help.) servings of whole grain thing…but once Tofurkey makes an appearance, I’m out.
Not only is this woman completely overreacting, she’s also a complete idiot when it comes to health. (Typical American chick.) As she was serving breakfast for her family, her 9 year old grandson gobbled down a few too many strips of bacon. She then proceeded to nag him about it ALL day. But it got a whole lot worse at night, when she chased the poor kid around the backyard and sprayed him right in the face with a garden hose. According to True Crime Report, he escaped for a minute to call his mom…but Crazy Grandma descended upon him once again. The fight eventually attracted an audience, and, finally, the police. So for all you health freaks out there, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say pork isn’t exactly brain food.
Fashionable AND Practical
Tuesday, June 28th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons, Self Defense • Comment
It’s really no fun being a scapegoat. Actually, I doubt it’s fun being any type of goat at all. But at least the animal sort can bite-attack anyone who’s being irksome. Unfortunately, taking that course of action might be frowned upon in the human world…
However, the other things that occur in this so-called “human world” aren’t much less ridiculous. Two brothers were entering a McDonald’s Drive-Thru around 3:00 am when they spotted a woman and her three friends being assaulted. Playing heroes, the two of them rushed to help the women a few yards away. Once they had chased off the attackers and made sure no one had been seriously hurt, the two brothers walked back to their car. A few minutes later, one of the assault victims advanced upon them with yelling, punches, spitting….and her high-heeled shoe. According to True Crime Report, the woman had simply mistaken them for her attackers. Sadly, this resulted in 18 months in prison for her, and a permanent eye-patch for one of the men.
Gosh, Was It Not OBVIOUS?!
Friday, June 10th, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons • Comment
Did you know that, technically, anything around you can be used as a weapon? It’s called “taking advantage of your terrain”. Now, I’m not saying to go strangle your step-brother to death with the computer mouse cord…I’m just saying it’s a complete possibility. And, who knows, you might even get featured on this website for it!
However, this whacko probably wins the contest of Strangest Weapon (Kinda) Ever. According to USA Today, a man violently barged into someone’s house carrying a…dead weasel. Upon being questioned by the victim as to exactly WHY he happened to have a dead weasel in his possession, the man punched the poor guy in the face. But only after angrily informing him that “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten!” The only explanation that came up was that the man was looking for his girlfriend, and the victim was an ex of hers. He was arrested at a different location after a fight…but unfortunately left his fur-coat-in-progress at the other guy’s house.
Pissed-at-Men Syndrome
Tuesday, May 31st, 2011 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons • Comment
It’s funny, the thing teenagers get worked up over. So, you’ve managed to develop a miniscule blemish on your face the morning of school picture day? And the new shirt you bought especially for the occasion is currently in the wash? Yes, that is a completely acceptable reason to cry your mascara-ed up eyeballs out and threaten never to set foot outside your room again.
Well, one 15 year old in Washington has taken teen angst to the extreme. After her father took her phone away, she decided to demonstrate her disagreement by shooting him with a hunting bow. According to MSNBC, he then had to crawl all the way to a neighbor’s house (in critical condition) to call 911, because she wouldn’t even let him use the phone. Our little rebel then fled into the woods where she was eventually surrounded by the police and arrested. So, next time you start to think maybe you’re being a brat to your parents, and they deserve to be treated a little nicer because of all they’ve done for you….remember, compared to that, you’re an angel.
“You Have My Permission to Ruin Us Financially”
Monday, May 16th, 2011 • Filed under Other Weapons, Robberies • 4 Comments
Credit cards are great, aren’t they? There’s nothing like paying for something without actually paying for it. Especially if it’s those alligator-skin Louis Vuitton high-heeled pumps with the matching belt that you just HAVE to have.
Unfortunately, this Illinois guy won’t be buying any designer footwear anytime soon. According to KMOV, a man had tried to pry open his victim’s door using his credit card. The owner came home, and in the robber’s hurry, he forgot the card next to the door. I’m sure the Joker would be a little disappointed….
But He HAS His License!
Tuesday, April 12th, 2011 • Filed under Cars, Other Weapons, Theft • 2 Comments
As long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted a dog. Or a cat. Or a turtle, a ferret, a hamster, a fish, a hermit crab, a Capuchin monkey, a pony, a lizard, or all of the above. Instead, I wound up with a Webkinz.
So When Does The Movie Come Out?
Saturday, April 9th, 2011 • Filed under Murderers, Other Weapons • Comment
Although fiction and non-fiction are two complete opposites, it’s not always easy to define which is which. But I’m not talking about the thousands of teenage girls who bathed in glitter (or didn’t bathe at all) and stayed up all night waiting for Edward to come fly with them through some kind of magical forest. This story from Time is something different.
Don’t Put THAT Through the Laundry
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011 • Filed under Other Weapons • 3 Comments
Pockets have got to be the world’s greatest invention. Where else can you stick your cell phone, a pack of gum, two pencils, 27 cents in pennies, half of last week’s grocery list, and an extra sock…all conveniently located right against your leg, within reaching distance? It’s a wonder we haven’t all decided to be kangaroos.