Dumb Criminals: Other

There’s evil and then there’s e-vil. The kind of evil that’s so evil you have to say it with an extra e, e-vil. We now owe Mike Myers $10 bucks. That’s just for one of his lesser known movies. You don’t want to know how much he charges for a “Yeah baby!” Oh shit.

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This just in from the Dumb Criminals Media Center located by the old Shakey’s Pizza on Route 94 in Canton, Ohio where the news is always guaranteed to come in three days late: New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has been outed as a payer of prostitutes.

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Who says that video games diminish human intelligence, lessen our capacity to think clearly and destroy the synapses in our mind turning us into nothing but mindless drooling zombies? The people who wrote this story.

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This guy who threw his own doodie at a judge puts the “ASS” in “assault.” You can guess where the rest of the puns go from here.

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Here’s some breaking news: prisoners are unhappy! Be warned. Don’t read the rest of this story because the amount of sheer common sense could cause your skull to crack and cave in on its own brain.

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This just in from the Dumb Criminals 24-hour News Center located behind the Rutland Crematorium in Southpaw, New Jersey: Michael Vick is going to jail.

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What’s worse than getting pulled over for drunk driving and trying to bribe your way out of getting arrested? If you honestly can’t come up with the answer for that question, then you really haven’t been around here very long, have you?

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Halloween is just around the corner and that means it’s time for tricks and treats. Tricks like toilet papering old people’s houses, leaving flames bags of dog leavings on old people’s doorsteps and dressing up as an escaped convict and darting out in traffic, possibly in front of very very old people.

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