Dumb Criminals: Robberies

OK folks, this is beyond amusing or funny. Now it’s gotten downright annoying. It’s like that thing your girlfriend does right after you met, you know the thing with the feather and the tub of ice cream, and it’s great at first because you never thought you could experience such joy. But after it’s happened the 567th time, all the joy has been sucked out of it with a Hoover strength vacuum.

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It happened again. So many of these stories repeat themselves that one has to wonder if there isn’t some strange force in the universe that simply causes us to repeat things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over…

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We’ve all done things backwards from time to time. We put our shoes on before we put on our pants. We put the milk in before we pour the cereal. We put the diaper on the baby’s head and a bib on its butt. My point is we’ve all been drunk in front of the kids from time to time.

That might be (but probably isn’t) a good excuse for this bank robber who held up his gun backwards during a bank robbery, according to the Local6 News in Florida.

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How do you stop a mugger who steals purses from women in his tracks? That’s easy, put a parked car in his tracks. I wish I was kidding. If it’s this easy to stop muggers, then maybe the police department will ease up on parking restrictions.

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Getting a phone number used to be a good thing. Now it’s a sign that someone may have been dropped on their head when they were a baby.

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Awhile back, we reported on a story about a guy accused of breaking into a police station. This guy makes that guy look like a Nobel Laureate.

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Banks are a big pain in the ass. The fees are outrageous. The lines are long. The clerks treat you like you have some kind of venereal disease that can be transferred through the handling of money. Don’t even get me started on the hours…

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It’s tax time and we understand how frustrating they can be. They can cause a lot of stress, high blood pressure and even brief absences of mind. They are, for all intensive purposes, very “taxing.” Yes, I am a professional writer. Do not attempt this at home.

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