Dumb Criminals

Still Better Than Apple Maps

Friday, April 3rd, 2015 • Filed under Other Weapons, Technology

What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever wanted to do? We all have a bucket list of epic proportions, yet most of us at least attempt to keep our goals within legal parameters. For example, my proudest accomplishment is consuming an entire airline sandwich, much to the repulsion of my family and every passenger in near vicinity. Was it pale ham or pink turkey? Chunky mayo or just watery cheese? Nobody will ever know.

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(Mug) Shots Fired

Tuesday, October 7th, 2014 • Filed under Guns, Robberies, Technology

I remember at one point I was trying to untag a very unflattering photograph of myself on Facebook. I was then interrogated by the website, asking if the photo was pornographic, illegal, triggering, etc. Unfortunately, there was no choice saying “seeing my braces brings back PTSD” or “offensive double chin: extremely triggering”.

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Would You Like Fries With That? x 1000

Sunday, December 1st, 2013 • Filed under Technology, Theft

How about that holiday weight gain? It’s almost by design that we have Candy Day, Turkey Day, and Gingerbread Day all in a short time span…maybe so that gyms will be full coming January 1st? Who knows, but these guys sure know how to put on a few pounds.

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Monday, November 25th, 2013 • Filed under Other, Technology

Remember when Facebook was the rad thing? Now it’s populated only by your relatives. And Instagram? Populated by your younger siblings. Pinterest? Caters to yoga pants-wearing bottle blondes. Reddit? Wtf is that. But there are still those few weirdos who occasionally comment and make statuses on Facebook. And those weirdos may include legitimate criminals.

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Know Thy Selfie

Sunday, October 6th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Technology, Theft

Don’t lie, you’ve taken a picture of yourself at least once. Whether it’s of you and your pet, you and a cup of coffee, or you and your significant other—it’s totally happened. My guess is that not much more time will pass until “selfie” is added to the dictionary. In which case, someone will probably take a selfie with it.

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Text: Not Even Once

Sunday, September 16th, 2012 • Filed under Drugs, Technology

Have you heard the new iPhone is out? The fifth one, to be exact. From which we still can’t download a girlfriend or even food.

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My Heart Will Go On

Sunday, September 9th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Technology

How far would you go for love? For those of you Jacks and Roses out there, you probably know no limit. But for any Jacks and Megs, your love probably comes second to that of your instruments or saltines.

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One Facebook Album Coming Right Up

Sunday, June 24th, 2012 • Filed under Technology

No girl likes to be stuck in the middle of the eternal Boyfriend vs. Parents war, but if any of you out there have been her, the frustrated boyfriend, or the we-hate-him-only-because-we-love-you parent…at least be thankful that no battle was ever this bad.

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