Dumb Criminals: Theft

Everyone’s suffering. Parents have to pay double at the pump just to get their kids to school everyday. College students have to smoke less pot in order to have enough money to make it to class so they can’t find a parking spot. Thieves are having to steal twice as much gas just to make a clean getaway.

It’s gotten so bad that one guy tried to steal a whole tanker truck worth of gas, according to KOIN News 6.

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Who doesn’t like pizza? Apparently, not this guy, which would mean that he does since it’s a double negative.

According to the Dayton Daily News, a man got sentenced for stealing a truck load of frozen pizzas, crashing the car during a police chase and then reporting the crashed car as stolen two weeks later.

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There’s something wrong with someone who repeats himself. There’s something wrong with someone who repeats himself. There’s something wrong with someone…

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How do you stop a mugger who steals purses from women in his tracks? That’s easy, put a parked car in his tracks. I wish I was kidding. If it’s this easy to stop muggers, then maybe the police department will ease up on parking restrictions.

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It was bound to happen sooner or later. Copper thefts are on the rise and conduct massive amounts of electricity. Someone was bound to get shocked. If they did the math…oh wait, they probably couldn’t do math to begin with.

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You would think a smart criminal would clean up after themselves when they leave a crime scene for police to find. You would think they wouldn’t do something as stupid as leaving one of their children behind. Then again, they weren’t thinking much when they committed the crime in the first place.

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I know gas prices are about as high as half the population of California right now, but this is ridiculous. Waaaa, waaaa, waaaaaaaaa.

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Some dumb criminals leave behind their fingerprints or DNA at the scene. Some dumb criminals leave behind their wallet or their personal identification at the scene. This guy leaves behind a half eaten salami and gets caught.

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