Dumb Criminals

Steel Mor Soots

Sunday, November 10th, 2013 • Filed under Theft

Didn’t you ever wonder how the chickens felt about Chik Fil A? Here are their barnyard friends, the cows, basically selling their poor asses into mass human consumption. Little different from the cute picture books you read as a kid, right?

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Digest The Evidence

Sunday, November 3rd, 2013 • Filed under Theft

What’s the most desperate hunger you’ve ever faced?  Desperate enough to try a partitioned shrink-wrapped tray of the complimentary airline food?  Enough to delve into the concession stand’s contents at a high school football game? Or, worst of all, enough for those vaguely suggestive gas station meat sticks? *shudder*

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Know Thy Selfie

Sunday, October 6th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Technology, Theft

Don’t lie, you’ve taken a picture of yourself at least once. Whether it’s of you and your pet, you and a cup of coffee, or you and your significant other—it’s totally happened. My guess is that not much more time will pass until “selfie” is added to the dictionary. In which case, someone will probably take a selfie with it.

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And The Fourth House…

Monday, June 11th, 2012 • Filed under Theft

Maybe sometimes it’s not so much a case of dumb criminals as it is dumb crimes. I mean, maybe some of the heists are pulled of ingeniously. It’s just that the heists are the kind of thing taken seriously by absolutely nobody.

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Come On, E.T.!

Monday, June 4th, 2012 • Filed under Burglaries, Theft

So this is the kind of thing that sounds like the challenge in one of those children’s computer games. You know, the ones where Winnie The Pooh tried to teach you which colors make purple, or where you cried because you killed Nancy Drew on the carousel or something. Yeah. Technology’s come along nicely.

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London Bridge

Sunday, May 13th, 2012 • Filed under Forgery, Theft

So this sounds like something straight out of Despicable Me. Which is great, because who doesn’t wanna read about those adorable eyeballed Twinkie-like creatures? LOSERS, that’s who.

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You Make Me Nervous, So…

Monday, March 19th, 2012 • Filed under Robberies, Theft

First dates are traumatic. Dating, in general, is such a stressor. It would be so much easier to live in fairy tale-time…where you saw a hot guy riding a horse, sang to him, and lived happily ever after. And never had to worry about bad breath or tripping on your fancy heels.  Heck, sometimes all you have to do is sleep until he shows up.

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People of Wal-Mart

Monday, February 20th, 2012 • Filed under Caught on tape, Theft

People-watching is fun, not creepy. It’s only creepy when you pick a specific person to watch….to watch through your car, to watch as they walk home, to watch as they sleep…get the message, Edward Cullen?

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