Dumb Criminals

Hey! Teacher!

Wednesday, January 20th, 2016 • Filed under Uncategorized

Every smoker I’ve encountered claims there’s nothing that makes them want to light up more than an anti-smoking ad. There’s nothing like corny t-shirts, aesthetically assailing posters, and amateur commercials to incite the need for self-imposed cancer. Surprisingly, there is a certain amount of self-control involved in remaining a highly addicted nicotine fiend, such as refusing the urge to start smoking whatever whenever and wherever.

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Enjoy the ‘Hoo’segow

Tuesday, May 26th, 2015 • Filed under Uncategorized

When you were younger, did you believe your stuffed animals were alive? Now, of course, this idea is creepy to us. However, when I was smaller (and apparently braver), my stuffed animals each had distinct personalities that somehow vanished when I was around. Some even got married to each other.

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A Farewell to Arms…and Legs and Butts and Everything in Plain Sight

Thursday, May 14th, 2015 • Filed under Uncategorized

Do you think literature can be sexy? There is, of course, the novel of our times: 50 Shades of Grey. However, that is neither sexy nor literature. That being said, I can hardly admit to feeling a stirring throughout The Old Man and the Sea or A Christmas Carol. So I guess bookworms just take what they can get.

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“I Have Been Touched by Your Kids…and I’m Pretty Sure I’ve Touched Them.”

Thursday, May 14th, 2015 • Filed under Uncategorized

As unbelievable as it may seem, teachers are actually responsible for instilling morals in students. Although at certain points these morals may seem to be ones such as “Complain about your salary as much as possible” or “Whisper behind folders to your colleagues whenever necessary”, they are actually fostering the development of great minds as you sit reading this.

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Ninjas Don’t Bake Pumpkin Pies

Sunday, May 18th, 2014 • Filed under Uncategorized

What if everything you once thought was cool came back to haunt you? Maybe the members of Blink 182 show up at your job interview to remind you of your pop punk phase. Or you accidentally start yelling in Klingon as you and your significant other reach the end of coitus. When I was in middle school, everyone thought wearing fedoras and discussing ninjas was acceptable.

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Parenting Level 0

Monday, June 4th, 2012 • Filed under Uncategorized

Ladies and gentleman, please give a warm round of applause to our newest entry in the Mother Of The Year contest! This year’s competition is in honor of….never mind.  I can’t make Casey Anthony jokes; my mom would kill me.

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Don’t You Go Changing

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009 • Filed under Uncategorized

Ever get so busy and overworked that you don’t even have time to take a decent shower, make yourself a strong cup of coffee or change out of your sleeping clothes before leaving for work? I have that problem all the time. It also cured me of wearing footed pajamas.

One guy was so busy that he showed up to an undercover drug deal in his uniform, according to MyFoxBoston.

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Lobster Thief Gets Pinched

Monday, October 13th, 2008 • Filed under Uncategorized

When a criminal does something that even the dorks on “jackass” won’t do, you’ve reached a whole new low in stupidity. In fact, it can’t even be called stupidity. I shall make up a name for that level now – “shtumlippity.”

A guy in San Diego got caught stealing lobsters from traps and hiding them in his pants, according to the AP.

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