Grand Theft Boat
Wednesday, July 19th, 2006 • Filed under Theft
To all of you would be boat thieves reading this (First of all, what are you stupid? We have cars now! We moved out of the Viking age years ago!), here’s a little tip: if you’re going to steal a boat, make sure you know how to drive the damn thing and if that doesn’t work, make sure the town you’re stealing it in doesn’t have a Reuteurs News Service bureau.
DUBLIN (Reuters) – Two Irish men who stole a fishing trawler after missing their ferry had to be rescued off the British coast where they were going in circles because they did not know how to sail.
After hours at sea, the men called what they thought was the Irish coastguard for help.
“They thought they were just off the coast of Ireland,” said Ray Steadman, press officer of the Holyhead lifeboat in north Wales, about 66 miles east of Ireland.
In fact, the two were just 12 miles north of where they started in Holyhead and had called the British coastguard, Steadman told Irish broadcaster RTE Monday.
Lifeboats and a helicopter were sent out to rescue the men, who were detained by police before being released.
They were later rearrested after the boat owner discovered some damage to his trawler.
Wow, what a shocking story! Who knew that Great Britain had their own Coast Guard? Next thing I know, I’ll find out they have their own National Dental Association, too.
Police said they were caught driving the boat in clockwise circles, but the plunderers insist that it wasn’t because they didn’t know how to drive the boat. They were just giving the right turn blinker a stress test.
The bad news is because they stole the boat, they’ll face some serious theft charges. But the good news is because they thought they were near Ireland when they were actually closer to Wales, they are a shoe-in for the lead role in the England Historical Society’s Re-enactment of the Christopher Columbus Voyage.