Why do people have to be so cheap? Why can’t they just spend what they need to spend to get on with their lives? All that loose change you’ve saved doesn’t even equal the amount of time you’ve wasted trying to save it. You always see people trying to find parking meters with time already on it, searching the floors of laundromats for loose quarters and telling 911 operators, “No I don’t need to go to the hospital. I’ll just sew my leg on tomorrow when the bleeding stops.”

LA CROSS, Wis. (La Crosse Tribune) — Two would-be thieves who failed to trick a carwash change machine with a $10 bill on a string were busted when they asked the manager to retrieve their stuck bill, according to Winona police.

A 21-year-old Winona woman and 25-year-old man from Buffalo City, Wis., went to E-Z Carwash at Ronald Avenue and West King Street on the evening of Oct. 18. With a security video camera rolling, they smoothed out a bill, attached a string and fed it into the slot. The machine ate the bill, and the string broke off, according to police.

The couple was caught when they tried to retrieve the string from the machine, telling police, “Man, that string cost me and my old lady 5 cents a yard at Home Depot! That’s like throwing money down the drain.”

That’s not true. The way they were caught couldn’t equal the funniness of anything else that I could come up with. The following day, the couple calls the manager of the carwash AND ASKS FOR A REFUND. The manager directed couple to the company’s complaint department located in his ass.

The manager took down the couple’s license plate number, showed a surveillance video tape to police and had them arrested. The couple will most likely be charged with possession of a theft tool and for being a “tool.”