Alcohol is a powerful drug. It can make ugly people into heavenly Adonises. It can make the scrawniest of men think they can take on an entire squad of angry Marines. It can turn the brightest and best minds of our time into drooling simpletons who don’t have enough brain power to make ice. And, of course, those who don’t have any brain power to begin turn into posts at Dumbcriminals.com.

LAMBTON, Québec (Sarina Observer) — A north Lambton man was convicted of four offences Wednesday after driving with a blood-alcohol level more than twice the legal limit.

On Sept. 24, a police officer’s attention was drawn to 34-year-old Christopher Greenbird when he drove by and gave the officer “the finger,” said assistant Crown attorney Randy Evans.

The officer followed Greenbird to a residence where he showed signs of being impaired and told the officer he had “enough” to drive.

Rule number one for all criminals out there: don’t do anything to attract attention to yourself. Rule number two: don’t do anything to attract the attention of the police to yourself. Rule number three: don’t be born.

But I don’t blame alcohol for this guy’s problems. He needs to learn a little self control. I blame the finger.