Dumb Criminals

Freedom is Hot: A Special Report

May 13, 2007 @ 5:02 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

This just in from the Dumb Criminals news center located in the janitor’s room at Einstein’s Arcade off the Drag in Austin: Paris Hilton is going to prison and the California Governor refuses to pardon her. And you thougght the fact that Schwarzenegger becoming governor would be the weirdest thing ever to happen in the California Governor’s office.

According to BANG Showbiz, California Governor Arnold Schwarezenegger received a petition from Paris’ fans to overturn her sentence.

On the one hand, this story’s funny because some fans took the time to petition for Paris Hilton’s freedom. On the other hand, it’s scary when you realize Paris has her own army. Dear God, where’s doctored photos of weapons’ labs when you really need them?

The mother is also reportedly furious with the judge’s decision. Kathy Hilton reportedly said, “This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayers’ money with all this nonsense. This is a joke.” Hey, I’m laughing at it.



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17 Comments »

  1. maiden-of-mystery Said,

    May 14, 2007 @ 7:28 am

    Paris Hilton actually has fans? Both Kathy and Paris need to grow up and face the music. You do the crime, you do the time.

  2. rascallmunchowsen Said,

    May 15, 2007 @ 10:33 am

    slut

  3. carebear Said,

    May 16, 2007 @ 7:56 am

    In the papparazzi magazines, they were saying “In Pari’s hellish prison.” Get over it Princess! Like the dude said, you do the crime you do the time. Stop whining! You’re so pampered and a spoiled brat, prison would do ya good!

  4. Baker Said,

    May 17, 2007 @ 12:58 pm

    Paris is a stupid !@#$% and deserves ut

  5. Lotus Said,

    May 17, 2007 @ 5:07 pm

    Paris Hilton’s fans should get a life, did you see what the petition said? something along the lines of … she should be pardoned because she is pretty and brings excitement to our otherwise mundane lives. Here’s a hint for them, if they go out, and drink, and then drive they too are subject to being arrested and are subject to jail time. Do you think Paris will climb down off that pedestal and sign a petition to keep you out of jail? There are still a few girls out there that for some unknown reason idolize Paris Hilton, her going to jail and serving her time just like everyone else is probably the best reality check they could get.

  6. maiden-of-mystery Said,

    May 18, 2007 @ 5:53 am

    Did you hear that Paris got her jail time cut in half? How is it that even when she loses, she wins?

  7. 20/20 bail bonds Said,

    May 22, 2007 @ 12:41 am

    PARIS jail time was cut in half and she only has to do 45 days, inside resources say she will be placed in a “special” part of the jail where high profile people and bad cops are. Its like a country club in there where she will be. Sucks that she will not have to do all her time and not placed in general population..

  8. hilton pariz Said,

    May 24, 2007 @ 9:45 am

    who is paris hilton?

  9. yaya says Said,

    May 29, 2007 @ 2:57 pm

    I’m to pretty to worry about her.

  10. kachnightA Said,

    May 30, 2007 @ 1:21 am

    OMG, The Hilton family really need to look at what type of a message there sending out to all of there customers. MESSAGE: “Come stay at our hotel! You may get a change meet Paris, our drunk, wafer thin model, crap actress of a daughter.. If your lucky she may even run you over” What do you think there defence to that would be…. “Oh well shes “hot” and it was on our property, dont you know the laws of Hilton are different? We have money!”

    If she got a ticket for jay walking because she was helping some old lady cross the street ok id say no dont make her pay that.. but hello she was drunk and she was drving… Where is the delema… Go to Jail or should i say the “New Alcatraz Hilton”… Opening this summer…. But dont worry all shell make some kind of book, made for tv movie all about how prison was so tough.. (her and marha will swap stories) and shell make another 100 mill off of the deal.. all while making popular the orenge jumpsuits.

    I want her to give me money for wrighting this… Ive waisted to much of my time now… have a good one everyone . And remember if your last name isent Hilton or Richie dont bother!

  11. Maxwell Said,

    July 4, 2007 @ 11:25 am

    She should be exiled from the USA and the L.A. County Sheriff Lee Baca should be replaced with the Star Wars Chewbacca. ;-)

    by the way, Paris, Don’t be such a baby.

  12. Jackson Said,

    July 9, 2007 @ 4:52 pm

    Sorry to make this an English lesson or maybe they are just typos, but there are just some words I don’t get why people repeatedly mispell or could mispell at all unless you didn’t at least have some type of decent schooling.

    kachnightA:

    I don’t know if you’re being serious or not and correct me if I’m wrong, but you have a lot of mispelled words in your comment. It doesn’t make you look that much more intelligent than Paris herself.

  13. Raine Said,

    July 30, 2007 @ 12:16 pm

    I heard that some idiot Sheriff actually released her for fear she might kill herself… he HAD to be on meth or something. In any case she apparently has claustrophobia and he thought she might try to hurt herself. Please, someone explain to me how that is a BAD thing?

  14. Mad Red Queen Said,

    September 22, 2007 @ 11:04 pm

    I agree, Raine.

    Apparently, her only function on this earth is to astronomically dumb down every member of the human race- and to take a few rodents and birds along with us, as well. So, I hope she seriously dies somewhat like how she did in “House Of Wax”- pole through da head, no more people calling inanimate objects “hot” unless actually grabbing onto it would eventually make the skin of the person holding it blister and bubble.

    Ahhh, I’ll be awaiting the day- but I have to say, I think it’ll probably come from drunk driving or drug overdose.

    And no, jealously has nothing to do with having a complete loathing of anyone who’s only job is to collect checks from dumb fans who buy even dumber shit, repeat a catch phrase over and over which makes no sense, and to stare into any available camera with a look of immense vagueness. So, there ya go, bitch at me if you want, see if I care. (a hint for you, skippy: I don’t)

  15. Austinite Said,

    October 3, 2007 @ 10:31 am

    Didn’t Einstein’s Arcade close down recently?

  16. Jen Said,

    November 3, 2007 @ 7:40 pm

    I HATE Paris Hilton and I really think she needs to get a life!!! Or a clue in any case. And she’s not even that pretty!! Somebody give that anorexic b****h a burger or something. Neither her nor her family actually lives in reality, what they think is reality is just Lifestyles of the Rich and Retarded, oops I mean Famous.

  17. J.T. Said,

    June 12, 2008 @ 11:46 pm

    I don’t think stupid rich idiots should get set free from jail for being stupid rich idiots! We have to do time, so do the rich and ignorant! They need to let their dogs be dogs, too, not an accesory! Thanks for reading my little anger vent for today.

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